By Jillian Risberg  

 

Blood doesn’t always make family but St. Peter’s Orphanage, the last known residential treatment program of its kind in the United States, provides a safe haven for teen boys who’ve been abused, abandoned or neglected. There they find a different kind of kinship and build lifelong bonds.

 

And this past year definitely put those bonds to the test when a staff member tested positive for COVID. 

 

“When that person was in quarantine — one Friday morning in November I come into work and four of our five kids have a low grade temperature and don’t feel well,” says Executive Director, Kelly McNamara, LCSW. “Went and got tested, there were two positives and three negatives. But I made all the kids quarantine in their own bedroom.”

 

And for the next few Saturdays it was more testing for the 16 to 18-year-old boys. 

 

“One child the first time (this company) came to the property to test came up positive; and it was a different child. There were three total positives and two negatives. I kept testing until everyone was negative,” McNamara says. 

 

According to the executive director, the boys were cherubs and didn’t go off the property often — except for hikes, walks and bike rides; and luckily their symptoms were only mild. 

St. Peter’s gathered televisions from around the house and put one in each bedroom and purchased a streaming service (HULU) with parental restrictions. Staff members brought in a video game console, and they also did a lot of arts and crafts.

 

“We just tried to make it as comfortable as possible,” McNamara says. “You have to remember, these are kids already in an unnatural situation and on top of that quarantine is an unnatural situation; I felt terrible for them.”

The executive director says as their quarantine was ending in December, a donor called and asked what the boys would like for Christmas.

 

“I need to throw these kids a party to thank them for being so cooperative during quarantine, for caring about the health of each other, the health of our staff and our staff’s families,” she says she remembers thinking, adding that it’s unimaginable to go through something like this as a well-adjusted adult, let alone kids their age.

 

“I couldn’t have asked for more, so we threw them a quarantine’s over party,” says McNamara. “It was a really wonderful way to wrap up that chapter for St. Peter’s — everybody’s been negative since.”

The boys see each other as family and the executive director says in that vein, ‘they would kill each other (as only siblings could) inside the house, but they would kill for each other outside of the house.’

When it comes to the pandemic, she says it was one of the toughest challenges she’s had to face in her 24 years at St. Peter’s. 

 

“My greatest fear was that someone was going to get (COVID), either a staff member or a resident and something terrible was going to happen to that person,” says McNamara. “It was my responsibility to ensure safety in the home, to reinforce and hold people accountable and to acquire the PPE.

 

“If I don’t do everything I can to keep current with CDC guidelines, I could fail these kids and that is the last thing that I wanted.”

 

The only difference between now and pre-COVID for the boys is that mask wearing has become a way of life, according to the executive director.

 

“They don’t have to wear it in their rooms or the bathroom but everywhere else they have to wear it in their own home,” she says. “I just can’t get around that one.”

The kids are back in school (hybrid/remote learning) and heading back to work. St. Peter’s had three high school graduations last June, and on March 3 one of the residents graduated from cosmetology school.

 

“To have an accomplishment like that when you’re in a residential facility to begin with and on top of that you’re dealing with COVID; we are very, very proud,” says McNamara. 

 

As the pandemic winds down and hopefully we achieve herd immunity, she wants the kids to be able to resume a life as close to normal as possible. 

“Their normal is different than the normal of others but I hope that everyone stays healthy and virus free until it’s safe out there. Once it’s safe maybe we’ll have another party,” the executive director says, adding that she sees the positive side of the whole experience. 

 

“If you described to me in a couple of years that we had gone through this at St. Peters and the world had gone through this, I can’t say anything other than myself, my staff and my kids have been blessed — as hard as it was, I really believe that.”

And for these boys who have been dealt such a rough card, they deserve light at the end of the tunnel.

“Kids come from other facilities are shocked that we’ll play Monopoly with them or we went to their awards ceremony at school or took them out for a graduation dinner and gave them presents or that their birthday was celebrated — because it hasn’t been,” says McNamara.  

It’s a complete departure from the environment they were previously exposed to. 

 

Some of the boy’s parents are homeless, incarcerated, missing and addicted.

“It is all sorts; on the flip side there are families that have two parents and from any therapist’s assessment they are good parents — but sometimes kids simply don’t have the ability to manage anger in a safe way,” the executive director says. 

 

In the early 70s the facility moved to a nine-acre property on Diamond Spring Road in Denville, where the brood includes teens with mild to moderate emotional, behavioral, social and/or learning problems.

“The state of New Jersey changed things, they didn’t want the little ones in group homes and especially with older kids,” says McNamara. “I understand that and it does make sense. So now we can take 14 through 18-year-olds.” 

Kids often end up there after multiple failed adoptions and foster homes.

“It’s unconscionable,” she says. “But the reasons are really all the same. When you’ve been treated the way they have been treated usually from birth and you’re in a family that you don’t know — it’s not emotionally safe or physically safe sometimes.” 

She says the kids will sabotage their living arrangement. 

They act out and it gets them kicked out because that’s safer, according to McNamara. “There’s only so much some people can take.” 

 

And there are kids one can love endlessly, be there for them and provide every service possible but they just can’t find their way.

“They’ve been so horribly abused and may not have the wherewithal, some are born more resilient than others — that no matter what we do, sadly they’re not in that term successful,” says the executive director. 

 

The orphanage was established in 1864 on Lyons Avenue in Newark — where nuns from the School Sisters of Notre Dame cared for children left homeless following the Civil War.

“There’s such a wonderful spirit; it’s why I’m still here,” McNamara says.

According to the executive director, everyone involved has stayed for years and takes care of the kids as if they were their own.

 

“People don’t work within strict job descriptions. I could be making macaroni and cheese one night or (helping) a kid who needs a bandaid,” she says, adding that those aren’t typical duties and it’s part of what’s so great about this place.

 

If it sounds like family, that’s how the executive director describes the vibe at St. Peter’s.  

“It’s a family-like atmosphere but we do provide professionally managed therapeutic care because obviously if the kids are here they’ve been traumatized (physical and sexual abuse),” says McNamara, adding that some need behavior modification and special schooling.

She works with two other administrators and regulatory bodies, but they are like the parents. 

“That’s I think why it works,” says the executive director. “People who are here are paid to take care of them and that is significant for the kids. There is psychotherapeutic and behavioral management, which normally doesn’t exist in a family.”

She says it helps them emotionally process what happened to them.

“Obviously you can’t change the past but you can change how you respond to it now,” McNamara says. “That affects their behavior and we hope what we do is helpful. Honestly, I’d say (for) almost every child it is.”

 

With traumatization comes a variety of mental health disorders and many of the teens are on antidepressant and anxiety medication to cope.

Providing a loving, supportive home to the boys is everything. 

 

“It gives meaning to the purpose of my life,” says the executive director. “Being able to help heal; I don’t think I could ask for more.”

Even when the teens outgrow the orphanage, it remains the place they call home.

 

“They’re always returning, calling, e-mailing. We’re still family and they still look to us for guidance,” says McNamara, noting that it’s one of the signs they’ve been doing a good job.

 

And she says many have utilized the foundation they gained at St. Peter’s as they embark on their adult lives. 

“Success for us is when they leave here they’re able to establish and maintain relationships because trust is so hard for them,” the executive director says. “They’re not inpatient psychiatric, they’re not in jail and they’re able to be self-sustaining (ie: hold a job, an apartment and pay their bills).”

The state of New Jersey funds the orphanage and also always relies on the kindness of donations.

 

Sensory integration with kids who’ve been traumatized is almost as helpful as therapy but happens in the moment, according to McNamara.

“In the moment that they’re anxious, in the moment that they’re angry, something they can do right now,” she says, adding that all the supplies and paints in each sensory room were donated. “We couldn’t have done it without that.”

When it comes to the behaviors and psychiatric palette, it gets to such a point and may become criminality “that they’re either in jail or in-patient psyche before they’re in residential,” says the executive director. 

 

“They let it go, in my opinion, way too long and then you’ve got kids in such crisis that we’re too low level and these kids have higher critical needs than us,” McNamara says. “Hope the state realizes that if they really need residential let’s get them in residential; make sure they get what they need before it’s too late.” 

 

To support St. Peter’s mission, visit  www.stpetersorphanage.org.